3:30am, and I am awake again. i just got to sleep at about midnight after being up for nearly 27 hours after working and going to school and completing some committments i had before staff meeting at work tomorrow.

This early morning finds me here with a plethora of ideas and hopes for continuing to find the courage to write it all down. i hate using the word plethora, because it sounds so phony in this context, but I crossed out/erased “bunch”, because i didn’t think it worked either. So instead of getting to what is really on my mind, i notice that i am writing about writing…lol. i also haven love/hate relationship with the “lol” colloquialism, but can’t seem to shake using it for when i chuckle at myself. So again, i am writing about writing. The most important thing is that I write! No matter what, i put my thoughts down, and practice, practice, practice. if I could, i would go take a workshop with natalie Goldberg or Geneen Roth, but am not sure i can afford it. it might behoove me to start out with a local writer, but the only local writer i know i like right now is Tom Spanbauer? And i am not sure i’m up to snuff for his group. i remmeber the images he left in my head. All too clear images of reservation life seen his perspective, which is that, at least externally, of a gay white radical faerie awesome guy with loads of compassion and obvious familiarity with some of the same type of territory with which i am familiar, that of Idaho Indian reservations. i am starting to trust that inside voice of my “muse”, or inner impatient storyteller a bit more, because even when I have no idea what I want to write, I just start writing and something relevant pops up.

there are a lot of relevant nibbles of information here, but the 2 which I am most urgently wanting to explore are to see if I can interview Tom, Judy Bluehorse Skelton, and whoever else I can find about two-spirit people in native american tradition. I also want to see about the writing workshops Tom does, if he still does them locally. Mostly, i just want to continue writing and not let the “pen” fall far from my hand. It saved me as a kid from doing even more destructive things and gave me an outlet, and it has always served to dig in and bounce around somewhere close to my truth, so that it is at least within earshot, so I can record it when it is time for it to be heard… like now.
to do:
1. research a little about Tom, and if not him, another viable workshop. (toni maybe?)

2. Find out if I can get in touch with Judy Bluehorse Skelton and if she would be willing to meet or has anything to say on the matter of indigenous peoples

3. Hold on to the pen and trust the process!

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